Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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