Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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