We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
