wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
