Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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