Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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