is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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