Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
