Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
