Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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