Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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