The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
