turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
