Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
