Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
