you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
