Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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