I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
