if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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