Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
