i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
