woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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