Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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