I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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