ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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