she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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