fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
