Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
