We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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