he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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