Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
