please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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