There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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