The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
