I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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