What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
