ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
