i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
