I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
