Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
