yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
