i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
