Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
