when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
