What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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