so explain again why im purple
no
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
