I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
