I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
this hospital has no fireball
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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