She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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