remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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