I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
