Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
