dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
