I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
